Today I have a really challenging and thought-provoking guest post from Australian author, healer and psychotherapist Avril Carruthers. More about Avril at the end of the post:
Do We Need to Get Rid of Selfishness?
Someone asked how to get rid of selfishness – ‘every little
last bit’.
Maybe the
Dalai Lama knows. He wrote a book about it:
H.H. the Dalai Lama, (2003)
Heart of
Compassion, Lotus Press.
Actually I think selfishness is a necessary part of evolution.
In one theory, notably Ken Wilber's 1981 book
Up From Eden: A Transpersonal View of Human Evolution, before
people evolve they are in a
pre-personal,
barely conscious state of consciousness, much like an animal, caring for others
because it makes more sense to survive as a group and offers greater
protection. In this stage, needs for food, water, shelter, propagation of the
species are met instinctually. In third world countries, where slums and shanty
towns are common, this is a state where people can often seemingly survive
quite happily - at least they appear always to be smiling - because everyone
they know is in the same boat. Solidarity and mutual support is the norm here,
but it's rare for anyone who comes from these environments to stand up to make
a difference, or to contribute to the greater good, apart from themselves and
their own families. But I wouldn't call this selfishness, just survival. It's
pre-personal because I don't consider myself any different to my neighbour, and
if my survival depends on the support of my neighbour, I will also support him.
I don't consider anyone outside the shanty town or slum, however. They're
different. They seem to be entitled to have more, while seeming to be
unhappier. But I'm happy in my limited world, so I don't care.
Here's psychologist Abraham Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs:
Below the top triangle, self-actualisation, all these needs are considered to
be basic. Self-actualisation is considered to be a meta need - a higher need.
According to this schema, when people are still in a state of basic needs,
selfishness is normal. Morals and ethics are less significant, because they
concern the needs of others, or the greater good. For someone at survival
level, it's essential to focus on their own survival and they literally cannot
afford morals or ethics. In other words, if you must steal food to keep from
perishing, it is counter-survival to be moralistic about theft.
Above the
pre-personal stage of
existence is the
personal stage -
where we decide life could be better. This is when we stand up from the crowd
and demand a better deal for ourselves. At first, it's selfishness. It starts
with being unhappy with what we have, or haven't got. We want something better
for ourselves and maybe our families. But the collective - society, even our
old slum - doesn't matter so much to us in this stage. We want something they
cannot give. We might be greedy for the good things we've not had much of, and
we're prepared perhaps to take it from someone else. We might feel alone,
because we've distanced ourselves from limits and deprivation, and also
support. But ultimately, this stage is about individuating and differentiating
from the herd.
We evolve, hopefully, from this stage to Maslow's meta needs state. It's still
self-concern, but it begins to be a Higher Self - what I call Higher
Selfishness and Wilber calls the
transpersonal
stage of evolution. Here, once again we feel as though we are part of some huge
whole - humanity - and my neighbour's good is my good. The difference is we
have in the mean time individuated. In this state, we can actually make a huge
difference to society, and not just for ourselves, but for the good of everyone
we meet, humanity and the planet. We are no longer limited by others' opinions
or constraints, or most obstacles. We are active, interested, capable,
innovative and can find creative solutions to complex problems. We're also
capable of inspiring others. A great example is the initiative obvious in the
TED Talks community.
http://www.ted.com/
So, how to get rid of selfishness? According to this, paradoxically, it's to
meet your own needs fully first, and then to spread the good stuff around.
© Avril Carruthers 15th March 2012
About Avril Carruthers:
Avril Carruthers (BA M.Couns) has had a
private practice in holistic transpersonal psychotherapy and healing in
Sydney, Australia for over twenty years. Previously a nurse and a high
school teacher, she teaches meditation and spiritual development and is
an educator at the Australian College of Applied Psychology.
Apart
from her qualifications in psychotherapy and counselling, Avril's
practice rests on three decades of study and experience in energetic and
spiritual healing with a number of martial arts, healing masters and
meditation schools. Her second book, Freedom From Toxic
Relationships, deals with relationships, the nature of attachment and
psychic cords. It was released in May 2011.